What a week I've had! Thank you for all of your love and support. I know I keep saying that, but I really mean it. You are such an important part of my recovery. I am very humbled by your concern. On to the big stuff....
Yes, I will have to have a mastectomy. This is not what I had hoped for or wanted, but it is part of God's plan for my life. He knew I would be going through this, and He has been carrying me since my diagnosis. My faith is bound to a mighty Rock that will not move. It would have been very easy for me to question His sovereignty, saying, "I prayed for healing, and nothing happened! Are you even listening?"
I can say with full confidence that He is listening, and hearing my cry. For starters, He gave me the wisdom to know that the bump I found was not normal and head straight to a doctor. He gave me the words to tell my husband that the biopsy came back positive for cancer cells. He helped me get a VERY good (and very much needed) rest the night before my first surgery. He gave me my Mom to care for me during a very discouraging recovery. I COULD NOT have been able to get through that week without her. He stopped the cancer from advancing into my lymph nodes. He gave me a a very good sense of humor and lack of fear heading into my second surgery (ask the Anesthesiologist!) He was with me as I was waking from my anesthesia with constant deep shivers (those will wear you out!) He quietly told my heart that the results of pathology were not going to be good (some call it intuition, I call it God whipsers.) He was comforting me when I was kicking, screaming, and crying after Dr. Deitz called me and said, "I wish I had better news...." He helped me be brave when I became a human pin cushion yesterday for blood tests (4 very painful attempts and 1 excruciating success .) And most of all, He gave me a loving, compassionate, strong, devoted husband, who truly believes in "in sickness and in health." Greg literally drops everything to go to appointments with me (thanks Jerry Stauder!), and is a really great note taker.
Christ has walked the path of human suffering ahead of me, so that He could show me the way.
I will be starting chemotherapy on March 21. I will fill you in on all of that over the weekend. I think I've blogged a little too long tonight! :)
Hugs and Kisses, Alicia
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