I know it has been a VERY long time since I wrote in the Weblog. I apologize for the delay. That is the thing with chemo. It is sometimes difficult to "plan" for anything. I'd say, "Okay, today at 7pm I am going to update the website." And then at 6:30 pm, I'd be toast energy-wise. But today, I have the time and energy!How am I doing? Hm-m-m.... it varies. I'll be totally honest. Chemo is not a piece of cake. It messes with your body and mind in ways you couldn't even imagine. At times, I feel great and I am at peace with what is happening to me. And then at other times, I feel like I can't take it anymore, and want to quit. I'm usually living somewhere in between these two attitudes. Everyday I ask the Lord to make himself clearer to me through this experience.
Every time I have a round of chemo, the first evening I am VERY ill. The doctor and nurses are still trying to find an anti-nausea medicine that will prevent me from vomiting. Maybe the next time! The next day, I'm fairly nauseous and drugged up, but definitely better than the day before. By day three, I usually have enough energy to get out for a little while, like the grocery store or Wal-mart. Usually from day three through the end of week #2, it is a matter of managing the side of effects of acid reflux (got some great meds for that), fatigue (loving those naps), mouth sores (not so bad, just got to swish with salt water), and other nasty side effects which I don't want to discuss! :) By week three, the hair comes out, but I am feeling MUCH better. Basically, back to myself.
I can tell when I start feeling like myself again when I literally dance to every song on the radio. Week three is very freeing. It's like you get to get out of jail. Whoo-hoo!
Physically, it is amazing how much abuse your body can take. My complexion and veins have a funky gray undertone. When I shaved off my hair, I was amazed how much I liked the way I looked. Honestly, I could go bare headed everywhere I go, but, at times, I think it freaks people out a little. A few days ago, I went to Schunck's bare-headed and this cute 4-ish little girl, stopped dead in the aisle and stared at me. Her mom kept pulling on her, but she kept staring. I said "hi," and she finally turned around. I still laugh when I think about it. I sometimes forget I don't have hair.
The photo above is me trying to keep my head (and the rest of me) warm with a turban that was given to me by my dear Chemo Angels at the seminary (Zin, Kathy, and Shirley.) I don't know how guys walk around with bald heads in the winter. I am freezing (even in 60 degree weather!)
Oh, I didn't fill you in on the full results of my last pathology report. You all know I now have to have mastectomy (old news) because they kept finding extensive DCIS. They also found markers for Lobular Carcinoma in Situ (LCIS.) A marker means that the cells have a possibility of turning into cancer. All they need is my body to tell them to turn into cancer and, boom, it's done. The poopy thing about LCIS is that it is very sneaky. It is hard to see on screenings and hard to find physically. And there is a 50% chance of it showing up in the other breast. With all of this info, I (and Greg) have decided for an elective bi-lateral mastecomy. I don't want to have to do this again for the other side. Anyway, the reconstruction will be better looking (got to have even boobs! :) Though I don't have a set date, the mastectomy and reconstruction will probably be sometime in July. Dr. Dietz said despite all of the surgery, my prognosis it VERY good. She actually believes it is the best it could be because my cancer is a very slow growing, aggressive-wise and it has not left the breast area.
Again, thank you all for you loving words and support. I am reminded daily of God's love for me through your kind words and actions. Please pray that my body will heal quickly. Also, please pray specifically for my night time sleeping. I believe it is what is debilitating me the most. When I don't sleep, I feel like poo the rest of the day, and I can't function. It breaks me down, physically and spiritually. My next round is on Monday, May 2nd. Two down, two to go!
Love and kisses, Alicia, a.k.a. Baldy
